5 Best Tips to accept single motherhood
My journey through being a single mom was pretty much like everyone else’s, unexpected. I really don’t think anyone can ever fully prepare you for the next chapter of your life once you begin the journey of single motherhood. However there are some tips I can provide to help ease the sting. When I was a single mom I often found comfort in reading other people’s stories and me (hopefully) giving them some good advice. I would also look online to find some ways of making the situation easier on me and my child. I have collected some of my personal tips of what was my hardest part of all of it, acceptance. In hopes to hopefully help you start to accept your new role as a single mom.
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What is so hard about acceptance?
The short answer is our imagination. Most of us do not imagine being a single parent. It is not the life we had imagined for ourselves or our children. So we imagine the life we had made up in our head. The one where everything works out. But the truth is the stories we tell ourselves in our head are not real. They are what we imagine. And I think, at some point in our lives we find ourselves unwilling to accept something unpleasant caused more pain and suffering than if we had simply accepted what was in front of us. Sometimes people feel that if they accept the situation then they are accepting they failed but acceptance does not mean like, supporting, wanting or choosing. Accepting means you accepted what happened to you, realizing that it made you grow and moving forward, for you.
Why does acceptance get prolonged?
Acceptance, from my experiences gets prolonged due to lack of practice. “Accept” is a verb and it is one that needs to be practiced. It does require a lot of effort, at least in the beginning. Practice loving yourself. Practice compassion for yourself & others. Practice forgiveness. Through these things you will come to a point of acceptance.
5 Best Tips for accept your new life as a single mom
- Go through the other 4 stages of grief first. Sometimes you might go through these many times. I did. I have had people reach out to me and say “I just want to move on now” and “how long did it take you to start dating again?”. I can always share with them my timeline but everyone’s is different. You have to go through the stages before you reach the final one of acceptance. For me acceptance wasn’t just one day. It was little by little and honestly I think sometimes it was such a small step forward I didn’t even notice. You can read my single mom story on Love What Matters.
- Realize it happens within you. You can only control yourself. Not others. Acceptance starts when you realize you have no control over other people and make a conscious effort to be better.
- Realize that the stories we make up in our heads are not always true. Thoughts are not facts.
- Read and then read some more. There are some great books out there. If you are reading this post there is a good chance you are already reading some since you are looking for resources. One book I found the best to be on acceptance is The Four Agreements. I would highly recommend anyone reading this book, not just single mothers.
- Find the positive in being a single mother. For me, it was that I could eat pizza in bed with my child watching Gilmore Girls and no one complained about crumbs being in the bed. Sounds silly I know but there are things you will realize you have, like those extra cuddles at night.
The Last Thing You Need to Know about acceptancing you single mom life
Certainly there here is no timeline on acceptance. Some people get over things faster than others. Does not make you any less than them and it doesn’t mean your grief is more than theirs. You cannot compare grief. If you have a tip for single moms please submit it below! I look forward to reading them!